As a a mom that has been through most of the sleep problems you can imagine, here is a little bit more of the knowledge I've earned... That's right, earned. I'm just a mom who has been on this journey of parenthood and encountered some bumps to work though, has read nearly every book on sleep, and is by all means, not perfect.
***Keep in mind that I am talking about toddlers and preschoolers here, not infants and babies. ***
Figuring out how to problem solve a nighttime sleep issue starts with CONSISTENCY. Like it or not, children thrive on consistency. So, step 1 in creating healthy sleep for your child is to set up a bedtime and special nighttime ritual to take place every night before bed. Staying up late can happen here and there but for the most part, this should be the daily routine. I am also a HUGE advocate of the early bedtime. Not only is this good for your kids, but it is good for your marriage as well.
This is how we break down our BEDTIME ROUTINE.
1. Give a 10 minute heads up that bedtime is coming. We often set the timer so they have a real idea what 10 minutes means and they can watch it count down. This also helps with kids who argue about bedtime. The buzzer seems to be a higher authority than parents around here. This also happens at about the same time every night.
2. Bedtime hygiene, whatever that looks like at your house.
3. Pajama time
4. Everyone climbs onto one bed for story time. We usually read just one story before bed.
5. All possible "needs" and excuses for leaving the bed are headed off by making sure everyone has a little water on the night stand, chapstick in their drawer and all the bedtime friends they need with them.
6. Nightlight on and lights out. We say "I love you, good night" and leave. No negotiating about anything. No giving in to changing sleep locations. We've learned that if you give in once they'll try for twice and if you give in twice you are doomed to have the debate every night and debates around here include screaming (Daphne) or sad tears (Naomi).
Once those precious little ones have been put down for bed there are any number of issues that can arise. The FIRST possible problem is the resistant child. You know, the one who screams and holds you hostage? This one is painful but simple. Give a very short explanation about why your little hostage taker must stay in bed and let them know you are not going to be sticking around because it is time for sleep. Say "I love you" and give kisses then "goodnight" and leave. Let the screaming commence and it will, eventually, stop. During Daphne's height of bedtime terror she lasted quite some time doing this but take heart! It will eventually stop and soon the day will come when it won't even start. Why was she doing it? Because we were in a pretty huge power struggle that started with us getting off the routine and allowing her to chose where she wanted to sleep.
The SECOND problem that may arise is the child that seems to have an eject button on their bed. You have one of those in your house? There are a few reasons this eject button may be pushed.
1. Child actually isn't tired.
2. There is something super exciting going on in the rest of the house that needs to be checked out (like cleaning or something equally as exciting.)
3. Someone is testing the limits.
4. There is a fear of some sort.
The first time your little space traveler jumps out of bed and wanders into outer space I'd recommend asking how you can help. This is the point you listen to concerns or fears and attempt to problem solve. This may look like this;
Wrangler: How can I help you?
Space Traveler: Ummm, ummm (thinking). I need X.
Wrangler: You already have/had X. Time to go to bed. (lead space traveler back to bed and re-tuck.
OR it could go like this;
Wrangler: How can I help you?
Space Traveler: Something is wrong in my room.
Wrangler: Can you show me what is wrong?
Space Traveler: (Tears)
Wrangler: It sounds like you are sad or scared. Can you tell me about it? (this can, of course be a tool of manipulation but it might also be something real so be sure to explore the feelings there).
Space Traveler: You can see it when you lay over here
... O.K., you get the point, right? Don't just assume it is all about defiance.
We allow our girls to read in bed if they can't sleep. Sometimes a long nap may cause difficulty falling asleep at the regular bedtime so this is very useful. We don't allow getting up and playing with toys.
If your child is scared of monsters, or something like monsters, think about getting yourself some monster spray. If it is a lighting issue, get a good night light. Be a problem solver, be creative.
If your space traveler is scared about nightmares to come, have a discussion about what kind of good dreams they'd like to have and say a prayer. We've had great success with this. Thanks for the suggestion Kelly!
I know some people recommend turning on music so kids that have a hard time falling asleep are comforted. I'm not a huge fan of this but if it works for you, go for it. I would suggest that if you do use music, use instrumental music on a timer.
The second time your space traveler gets out of bed I recommend leading him back to bed, saying goodnight, then leave.
Third time just put him back in bed. Fourth, ditto, etc. Even if it takes 100 times, the next night will be better, I've been there.
How does bedtime go down in your house? Anything special you do? What kinds of problems have you had and how have you handled them?
